Wednesday, November 02, 2005

G.E. Smith Is Probably Rocking the Fuck Out Somewhere, Right Now

When people talk about rock's great guitarists, the names most often mentioned are Hendrix, Clapton, Van Halen and Dave Matthews. But you know who's name rarely - if ever - is included in that group? A little axe-wielder by the name of G.E. Smith.

For something like ten years, Smith was the frontman for the Saturday Night Live Band and there wasn't a single commercial break on his watch that didn't begin with a few moments of shredding fret and rocking the fuck out with that big grin on his face. People say those were SNL's golden years because of future superstar cast members like Farley, Sandler and Spade - but those people don't know what the hell they're talking about. Those years were awesome because of a blonde, pony-tailed man with a Stratocaster and a cocky smile that said, "Check out THIS sweet solo!"

Today's buzz-bands like Franz Ferdinand and The Strokes only THINK they know about rock and roll. But if they truly knew anything, they'd quit ripping off retro 80's rockers and take a page out of the book of G.E. motherfucking Smith. What rockers are missing today is that Smith Swagger - oozing supreme confidence in the sickness of their rock, leaning against the back of the saxophone player while hammering out bendy guitar notes and grinning like a billionaire on ecstacy getting a blowjob.

A lot people think the problems plaguing SNL recently have to do with the dreadful writing, talentless cast, celebrity news focus or Horatio Sanz, but none of these factors are the real reason that the show is no longer watchable. The real problem is the conspicuous lack of a certain grinning Guitar God. Like everything else on the show right now, the current band is boring pusswad crap, and do not even deserve to play on the same stage once graced by the skilled fingers of G.E. Smith.

For the few moments before the commercials, when G.E. Smith was assuming his rightful place at the front and center of the stage, he created moments of guitar magic that will live on forever in the annals of television - and rock and roll - history. I don't know where he's at today, but I will guarantee you one thing...

G.E. Smith is still rocking the fuck out somewhere, right now.

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