Tuesday, September 13, 2005

If You Cheer For the Opposing Team, I Will Punch You in the Face!

Hey!!! Hey douchebag! Yeah, you down in row 28! The fuck do you think you're doing out here?!? This is a Rockies game and you think you're just gonna show up wearing that faggy blue Royals shit? You better watch your ass cause if you cheer for the opposing team I will punch you in the face!

You must think I don't take this shit seriously. You see my backwards visor and fake platinum chain? That's fucking serious, champ, and I ain't above handing out an ass whooping to some nancyboy who makes the mistake of showing up in Denver and disrespecting my Rockies! Woah, buddy! Woah! Those sunglasses don't scare me! I am a bail bondsman and I've handled darkies twice the size of you! Ever heard of Denver Dewey? Yeah, that's what I thought - you don't want any of this!

Yo, I don't care if you're just trying to "enjoy the game with your son", you're wearing the opposing team's colors and that's a sign of war, faggot! You think I'm kidding with you? Then maybe you could tell me why me and my buddies have been pounding Wild Turkey shots in the parking lot since 9 am this morning - so we can be prepared to deal with dicklickers like you!

Oh, would you look at that - your little wussy son is crying! He must be a faggot like his father! HAHAHAHA! Waah waah daddy, why does the big scary man hate us? Because you're wearing the colors and logo of the opposing team, you snotty-faced little brat! This is the Major Leagues and my team is the BEST! Next time your daddy wants to take you out to the ballgame, tell him to leave the pussy blue colors at home, or else you're gonna have to watch another man give him a foot-enema during the 7th inning stretch!

Tell you what, Sally. Take off your shirt and I won't give you the beating of a lifetime here in front of your son. How old is he? Six? Yeah, he doesn't need to see firsthand the kind of brain damage I'm about to hand you for wearing that stupid fucking Royals jersey to my precious Coors stadium. Speaking of Coors - Hey Lonnie! Throw me another bullet so I can wash down these garlic fries before beating the shit of this loser!

Why am I doing this? What're you, some kind of Law & Order lawyer or something with all your questions? I think our beef should be pretty obvious here, hombre. My shirt is black and purple and says "Rockies". Yours is blue and white and says "Royals". That means I hate you and have no choice but to beat your ass, if nothing else but to defend the sanctity of those brave, selfless men down there on the playing field, giving it their all for nothing more than the pride and enjoyment of a bail bondsman named Dewey.

Oh so that's how you're gonna do this, you're gonna call security? Fine! It ain't the first time, and it ain't gonna be the last! Lonnie! Double time on the Coors, I got a chug one down before the fuzz gets here! Hurry, here they come now!

Hey, Mike. Steve. Do me a favor and try to keep the cuffs loose this time, if you would. Thanks.


Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.5 License.