A Chronological History of My Career Goals

Age 1 - Professional Breast Milk Drinker

Age 3 - Whatever it is Mr. Toad Did, Basically Just Driving Around Having Wild Rides and What Not

Age 5 - President (or a Transformer)

Age 7 - Ninja

Age 9 - Professional Baseball Player for the SF Giants Who Is Also a Ninja In the Off-season

Age 11 - Bart Simpson Portrait Maker or Skating Rink Owner (So I could show those fuckers.)

Age 13 - Ninja

Age 15 - Male Prostitute or Guitarist for Weezer (these are ironically related)

Age 17 - Professional Assassin or Psychadelic Shaman Hippie (don't ask)

Age 19 - Depressed Drunken Gonzo Writer Who Owns a Bar

Age 21 - Paul Thomas or Wes Anderson

Age 23 - B- List Blogebrity (YES!)

Age 25 - Not Work In an Office-er or Professional Breast Milk Drinker