Wednesday, May 11, 2005

A BlaggBlogg User's Guide

Image hosted by

I've been lucky to have many new visitors to this website in the past few days. To those of you who are new, "welcome" and I hope you stick around. To those of you who've been reading awhile, keep doing so or I'll punch you in the face. I also want to thank everyone who voted for me as "best blogger" and "best comedian" in the "SF Weekly Best of 2005" Reader's Poll. I really appreciate your support and I'll safely release your children now.

So, as BlaggBlogg forges ahead into its new era, there are a few things I think you should all know about this website and the young man who writes it:

1. This is a humor site. And as such, what you will find here are my daily attempts at the creation of humor. Sometimes I am successful, in which case you may laugh. Sometimes I am not, in which case you may use my "comment" feature to savagely berate me as both a writer and a human being. Don't forget to emphasize your criticism with the occasional well-placed insult, such as "faggot".

2. As a humor site, what I write here are JOKES. I know that is sort of stating the obvious, but one would be surprised to discover how many people who spend time at a humor site lack any discernible sense of humor. This is satire. I observe stereotypes, then put them together to create a humorous portrait of someone I think we can relate to. If you find yourself identifying with those stereotypes and feel angered that I am making fun of you, I urge you to laugh it off and consider the fact I DON'T EVEN FUCKING KNOW YOU. It's not my fault your existence is a punchline. Are you listening here, DJ's? Chill the fuck out already.

3. I have neither an editor, nor the time to extensively edit myself. I crap most of these things out in about 20 minutes and try to do a once-over for typos and misspellings, but that's about it. If you think my grammar, usage or spelling sucks, go teach 7th Grade English and marry a self-loathing masochist, you OCD dork.

4. I am for sale. Currently this site hosts no advertising and I receive no compensation for what I do here, other than the brief respite from my boring workday. However, if I can figure out a way to cash in on this or get hired in some kind of dream-job where someone pays me just to write funny shit all day, I'll do it in a heartbeat. What is a blog if not a desperate plea for attention? You can call me a sell-out all you want, but I'll sleep like a baby on Ambien.

5. This is also a brain dump. At any given time I'm working on a number of personal film, TV or book projects. What I do here is like sex with a hooker - quick, dirty and cheap. So if you're looking for art or truth or wisdom, you've come to the wrong place. I'm just a 24 year-old functioning retard who knows dick about the world other than the fact it can be fun to laugh at.

So thanks a lot for reading. If you like what you see, forward my link to some friends. While I'm not expecting to win any Pulitzers or anything, I hope you find something amusing here. If not, too bad, the Internet's full of porn, celebrity gossip and people with shitty half-baked political opinions. Go find your bliss.

Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.5 License.