House of Stiles: My Sitcom Pitch
Many of you who aren't in "the biz" (as its called by those of us in "the industry"), might not realize that Hollywood is currently in "Pitch Season".
During this magical time, if you read "the trades", you'll hear all about doomed match-ups between talentless has-been actors who are choking on their last gasps at a career and hacky TV producers trying to devise a way to put an unoriginal twist on last year's highly rated shows in hopes of pooping out another hit without having to expend any creative thought (I'm already setting my TiVo for Desperate Househusbands).
Since I don't have an agent or anyone else important who has recognized my genius-level sitcom writing abilities, I'm going to share my latest pitch with you, Dear Readers. In the Hollywood tradition, instead of developing wholly original characters, I have chosen to create a spin-off of a pre-existing commercial success - 1985's "Teen Wolf", starring Michael J. Fox.
Title: "House of Stiles"
Premise: Rupert 'Stiles' Stalinski is a 42 year-old father of two who has never quite gotten over the fact that his best friend in high school was a basketball star - and a teenage werewolf. When he's not dealing with his zany family or working at his van customization shop, Stiles runs a non-profit organization called A.W.A.R.E. (which stands for Adolescent Werewolves Are Real, Everybody!) and dedicates himself to Werewolf awareness, in addition to providing counseling and guidance for teenage werewolves who are having trouble coming to terms with their wolfing out, or puberty or whatever. He cruises around the country in his legendary van, "The Wolfmobile" (sometimes surfing on top), giving conferences on how being a werewolf can actually increase school spirit, enhance athletic performance and get you laid with hot blonde popular chicks.
Main Characters: The Stalinski family is composed of STILES, his wife PAMELA (who Scott unwisely jilted in the original "Teen Wolf", instead choosing to shower his wolf-like affection upon the friendlier, but vaguely mannish "Boof") and their son SCOTTY, who Stiles desperately hopes might be a werewolf someday like his Godfather, SCOTT HOWARD. Scott, the original teen wolf, is a recurring character on the show played either by Michael J. Fox or Jason Bateman (whoever's available). Other characters include BOOF HOWARD, Scott's wife who smiles a lot and never really says or does anything interesting, RUSTY THORNE, who is still the high school principal (despite being well into his 90's) and hates Stiles and all the wolf-like things he stands for, and MICK MCALLEN, the pissed off jock hell bent on ridding the world of all teenage werewolves, especially those who play basketball.
Pilot Episode: After Pamela temporarily kicks him out of the house for letting Scotty "surf" on the roof of the van again, Stiles decides to take the Wolfmobile on a road trip to visit his old friend Scott Howard, who is now Middle-aged Wolf. However, when Stiles arrives, he finds that his friend is still having trouble with Mick McAllister, the big jocky meathead who has never been able to let go of the fact his highschool basketball team, The Dragons, were beaten by Scott and the Beavers in the championship game. Along with the local KKK and a few out-of-work contract abortion protestors, McAllister sets up an Anti-Werewolf demonstration outside of Scott's house. However, when Scott, Stiles and Boof devise a plan to go get some kegs of beer, throw a wild party with choreographed wolf dances and offer people free rides on the roof of The Wolfmobile, the protesters give up and McAllister's efforts are once again thwarted.
The End
During this magical time, if you read "the trades", you'll hear all about doomed match-ups between talentless has-been actors who are choking on their last gasps at a career and hacky TV producers trying to devise a way to put an unoriginal twist on last year's highly rated shows in hopes of pooping out another hit without having to expend any creative thought (I'm already setting my TiVo for Desperate Househusbands).
Since I don't have an agent or anyone else important who has recognized my genius-level sitcom writing abilities, I'm going to share my latest pitch with you, Dear Readers. In the Hollywood tradition, instead of developing wholly original characters, I have chosen to create a spin-off of a pre-existing commercial success - 1985's "Teen Wolf", starring Michael J. Fox.
Title: "House of Stiles"
Premise: Rupert 'Stiles' Stalinski is a 42 year-old father of two who has never quite gotten over the fact that his best friend in high school was a basketball star - and a teenage werewolf. When he's not dealing with his zany family or working at his van customization shop, Stiles runs a non-profit organization called A.W.A.R.E. (which stands for Adolescent Werewolves Are Real, Everybody!) and dedicates himself to Werewolf awareness, in addition to providing counseling and guidance for teenage werewolves who are having trouble coming to terms with their wolfing out, or puberty or whatever. He cruises around the country in his legendary van, "The Wolfmobile" (sometimes surfing on top), giving conferences on how being a werewolf can actually increase school spirit, enhance athletic performance and get you laid with hot blonde popular chicks.
Main Characters: The Stalinski family is composed of STILES, his wife PAMELA (who Scott unwisely jilted in the original "Teen Wolf", instead choosing to shower his wolf-like affection upon the friendlier, but vaguely mannish "Boof") and their son SCOTTY, who Stiles desperately hopes might be a werewolf someday like his Godfather, SCOTT HOWARD. Scott, the original teen wolf, is a recurring character on the show played either by Michael J. Fox or Jason Bateman (whoever's available). Other characters include BOOF HOWARD, Scott's wife who smiles a lot and never really says or does anything interesting, RUSTY THORNE, who is still the high school principal (despite being well into his 90's) and hates Stiles and all the wolf-like things he stands for, and MICK MCALLEN, the pissed off jock hell bent on ridding the world of all teenage werewolves, especially those who play basketball.
Pilot Episode: After Pamela temporarily kicks him out of the house for letting Scotty "surf" on the roof of the van again, Stiles decides to take the Wolfmobile on a road trip to visit his old friend Scott Howard, who is now Middle-aged Wolf. However, when Stiles arrives, he finds that his friend is still having trouble with Mick McAllister, the big jocky meathead who has never been able to let go of the fact his highschool basketball team, The Dragons, were beaten by Scott and the Beavers in the championship game. Along with the local KKK and a few out-of-work contract abortion protestors, McAllister sets up an Anti-Werewolf demonstration outside of Scott's house. However, when Scott, Stiles and Boof devise a plan to go get some kegs of beer, throw a wild party with choreographed wolf dances and offer people free rides on the roof of The Wolfmobile, the protesters give up and McAllister's efforts are once again thwarted.
posted by Alex Blagg | 3/30/2005
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