Dear Livejournal,

Ugh, I don't understand this! Today I went to the mall and applied to work at Abercrombie and Fitch and they wouldn't hire me - AGAIN!

I was just hoping to get a good summer job with other kids from my school. Brandon Walker works there - he's this hot guy in my PE class who acts sort of nice to me sometimes. But whatever, he's going together with Kelli Sanderson, who's like totally the most popular girl in the school, so its not like I wanted to work there because Brandon does. I just need a job and I thought maybe if I worked with some of the popular kids, they would understand that I'm actually more than just "Smelly Osborne".

Technically, I first "applied" at Abercrombie back in May. I had just finished my corndog at the Pronto Pup in the Food Court and I was going to go check out some shirts at Hot Topic, but I saw Brandon in Abercrombie and thought I'd go pretend to shop and see if he spoke to me. But I was only in the store for like ten seconds before the manager - this college sorority girl - came up and asked if she could help me with anything. She seemed sorta annoyed, so I got all nervous and just blurted out, "Can I have an application?" She looked me up and down, then said Abercrombie was looking for employees who "fit their image" better than I did. Maybe it was my overalls, or the mustard stain from lunch. I dunno, but I got out of there as fast as I could!

So when I applied again today, I showed up knowing what to expect and I thought I was ready. My whole outfit came from Abercrombie, except for my belt, which I got from Old Navy, cause Abercrombie didn't have one in my size. My sweatshirt even said "Abercrombie 22432" on it in this weird ancient-looking font. As I walked into the store, with my application neatly completed, I tried to seem confident and friendly, smiling and happy - just like "the Abercrombie image" suggested. I even thought about carrying in a picnic basket with me so I could tell everyone I'd just been at the beach with my friends, throwing around an old football.

As I waited patiently for the blonde girl at the register to finish helping the customers, I reviewed my application, felt proud of my 3.67 GPA and reminded myself to be sure to point out how my achievements on the school debate team would help me as an Abercrombie salesperson. I was really starting to feel confident when the salesgirl finally came over to talk to me.

I tried to keep my hands from shaking as she took my application and glanced at it for a second before putting it into a huge binder with what appeared to be thousands of other applications. Then she stared up at me and frowned sarcastically before saying they weren't "looking for any help right now". When I asked her why they have a "Help Wanted: Apply Inside" sign hanging in the window, she said it was old and walked off to go fold some hoodies.

The one good thing about this whole experience is that I was able to hold back tears until after I got out of the store. As I cried, walking out of the mall, I wiped my tears away with my sleeve and realized I got mascara all over my new white Abercrombie sweatshirt. I don't even usually wear make-up! I thought I was going to start convulsing in sobs until I saw the Pronto Pup stand and realized only a footlong pup would make me feel better.

As I ate my mustard-slathered corndog, I noticed a sign above the register saying that Pronto Pups was looking for summer employees. I asked if I could have an application, but the manager just wanted to know if I was available to work at night. He hired me on the spot! It might not be as glamorous as retail, but I get all the free Pronto Pups I want and I'm right across the Food Court from Abercrombie, so I'll still see Brandon. Maybe he likes corndogs,too.

Your friend,
Shelly Osborne

p.s. I was talking to Cody on the phone earlier and heard that the college sorority girl at Abercrombie gave Brandon an STD and he gave it to Kelli, so she broke up with him. Maybe now he'll give it to the blonde bitch who rejected me today. They're all gross.